Dogs

The Mirror
Dogs
2004-01-06 19:19

(What sort of dog would you be, David!?) What terrible things we say about dogs. Bad ideas and rotten projects are described as ‘dogs’, unfashionably dressed woman are ‘dogs’, nasty gossip is ‘bitching’, ugly rumours ‘dog’ us, idlers are ‘lazy dogs’. And yet every dog I’ve ever owned has been hard-working, intelligent, friendly, faithful, brave and unconditionally loving.

Dogs are more reliable than people – give them an ounce of love and they’ll reward you with half a ton of it! When my dogs look silently at me, I know they are thinking affectionate, eager thoughts – I wish I could say that for every human who stares at me without saying anything …
I often think that my favourite friends are like dogs. My wonderful wife is something of a cocker spaniel: soft, very loving and, I’m afraid to say, quite a bit more intelligent than I usually am. My riotous chum Shmuley Boteach, the rabbi who married Hannah and me earlier this year, is like a mad Jack Russell terrier, tearing energetically into everything and then chasing his tail till he makes himself dizzy.

Jonathan Cainer’s face doesn’t betray it but he’s a bit of a bulldog – when he gets his teeth into something he doesn’t let go.

And Mo al Fayed is a bloodhound, a big-chested dog with a stentorian bark who never lets up once he’s on the scent.

If I could come back as a dog – and if we get any choice about reincarnation, I certainly shall – I’d be a greyhound. I love to watch these sleek dogs run, putting every other animal to shame with their sleekness and agility. No human athlete can compare to a greyhound’s grace. But they also have a sense of mischief which, to look at their elegant faces, you would never suspect.
Loyal, loving, athletic and a bit naughty – what better virtues could a human possess? Top dog!