Silly Science

The Mirror
Silly Science
2002-07-21 11:24

Silly me! Two weeks ago I declared in the Mirror that most scientists were deluding no one but themselves with their nonsensical fairy tales – and now the World’s Greatest Scientist, Professor Stephen Hawking, has gone and disproved the existence of God.

That does leave me looking a little stupid, doesn’t it? Hawking’s theory is all to do with the Fifth Dimension, which sounds like a bad Seventies dance troupe, but is actually a serious mathematical concept.

We all know the three dimensions – length, breadth, depth – and Dr Who fans will remember that the fourth dimension is Time. So what’s the Fifth? The Fifth Dimension is a kind of hyperspace, which we puny humans cannot sense. It’s where Hawking’s famous Big Bang began.

The universe, says the Prof, exploded out of the Fifth Dimension. I expect this explains all sorts of things. The Fifth Dimension is where odd socks and Biros vanish to; it’s where George W. Bush’s extra votes came from; it’s where Roy Keane keeps his manners.

Obviously, there’s no need for God when we’ve got the Fifth Dimension. It’s invisible, it’s all around us and we must accept the word of High Priest Hawking that it is there at all – sounds like a typical tinpot cult guru’s deity to me.

As most people who have real religious convictions know, God is not ‘invisible’. We don’t have to take anybody’s word for God’s existence – we sense the force of universal love in everything we do, say and experience.

However, if you fancy cheating in this week’s Psychic Challenge, just take a peek into the Fifth Dimension. I’ve hidden the answer there.